You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
