Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
