He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
