Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
