Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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