You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
