That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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