So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
