I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
