Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
