and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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