it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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