Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
