Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
