we're chasing vodka with high fives
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
