I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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