Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
