I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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