I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
