I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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