There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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