So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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