Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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