Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
