He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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