I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
