I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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