Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
