i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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