Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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