just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
