Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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