Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
