dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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