When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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