he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
