have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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