Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
