OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
