I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
