I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
why is half of my head shaved?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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