plz talk dirty to me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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