She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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