That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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