I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
