yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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