I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
