Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
