White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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