i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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