she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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