I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
