Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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