she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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