Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
