he shaved USA in his pubs
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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