one might say we're banned from that church
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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